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Part 2. How to Stop Technology and Pornography Destroying Lives 28 August 2016

WARNING- Article content of a mature adult and sexual nature. Do not read if offended by such.

I decided not to write Part 2. Too personal, too risky, too open to criticism and ridicule. Decided I didn’t have the courage, let alone the expertise. Spoke to a friend of mine last night who is a gifted, creative wordsmith and decided I did not even have the eloquence to put my thoughts on paper.
But then I looked at the headlines of the newspaper today- gang rape, some guy threatening to rape the parents of his ex-wife (but with another young woman on his arm the next day) and the headline “The Australian Federal Police has been exposed as a cesspool of misogyny, with female sergeants referred to as “just vaginas”.
And I thought to myself…no I don’t have the courage or the words…but these things have just got to stop. So here goes.

If the first problem is communication, The next problem is sexuality and no one is talking about it. Online pornography…easy, discuss the issues surrounding honourable, sacred sexuality….big taboo.
Men are very confused about sexuality. We are very confused about lots of things. Men have always enjoyed looking at pictures of naked women. We have been drawing pictures of naked women on rock walls for several million years. Thats just the way the world is. Risk and reward. Light and dark. Evolution has always selected for high testosterone. You didn’t have high testosterone…you were the first to be killed by the saber tooth, or eaten by the wolf or stomped to death by the wooly mammoth. You couldn’t run as fast, you couldn’t throw the spear as well and eventually you couldn’t wield the bow or sword as well when the raiding tribe came.

And unfortunately, we needed to be able to do that. Homo sapiens has always been an incredibly destructive species. We take what we want. We destroy other species to ensure our survival. Surprisingly, this is also not a new phenomenon. We are the only surviving species of hominids, almost certainly because we wiped out the others- homo erectus, homo heidelbergensis, homo neanderthalls, homo floresiensis….the list is long. It was a genocide of an unprecedented scale.

Women therefore selected high testosterone men. Just about all species choose the alpha male to breed from. It maximises the chance of survival of the species and provides personal protection. The downside of high testosterone…men like drawing naked women on rock walls. No excuses. It’s the way the world is. The problem is, drawing a stick figure of a naked woman on a rock wall with some pigments has now progressed to unauthorised sharing of inappropriate images of school girls on underground websites. It disgusts me and it needs to stop. We need to teach men to respect and honour women.

On the other hand, there has also been a shift to too far in the other direction. An unforeseen reflex. Men now feel guilty if they think about a naked woman. They think there is something wrong with them. We are being homogenised as a species. Many schools now won’t use the terms boys or girls….they use a gender neutral term. Testosterone has become a dirty word. We don’t even know which public toilet to use anymore. Why are the two US Presidential candidates having to debate which toilet people should use. Plus the toxins in the environment are destroying testosterone levels and the glyphosate in the soil destroying ovaries…there is a real risk that we will be an infertile species in a few generations.

So many problems. So much confusion. So much disrespect for women. Men don’t even know how to make love anymore. Who teaches us how to do that? When I grew up…no one taught anything at all. Buggered if I know how I learnt. Oh that’s right I didn’t. I taught myself. I taught myself the way I taught myself everything. Set a goal, work hard, achieve goal. What I didn’t know was that’s not really what women want. They don’t just want an orgasm. They don’t just want to put a tick in the “had orgasm today” box. They want presence, they want connection, they want heart, they want communication, they want tenderness, they want compassion, patience, touch, they want their body language understood, they want intuition….and after all that, hell yes, they want an orgasm…and lots of them. But not (usually) before all the other things. But who teaches men that??? We don’t know that stuff naturally. We just know testosterone. And its a mean, nasty hormone that makes us want to kick goals then get ours. It makes young men watch too much grossly unrealistic pornography online and think that’s what sex is actually all about. Young men are huge consumers of viagra…so they can go multiple times in a night. Young women have even less knowledge. And it needs to change and change fast.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no saint. I have not covered myself in glory. I’ve made too many mistakes to be judgemental. I just know it needs to change. So I changed. I went off and did a course in sacred tantric sexuality. Weird? I thought so when I began. Better not tell anyone. Keep it on the down low. But…..holy shit, what an eye opener. Is that what it’s meant to be like?? Why did no one teach me this before? I’m meant to do what? It’s not just about that? It’s not about thrusting away for as long as possible? It’s not about thinking of England? It’s not necessarily about the penis and the vagina? Really?
It’s about honouring the sacred feminine. It’s about respect. It’s about presence. It’s about touch and whispers in the night and music and more touch. It’s about unspoken communication. Wow.
Changed my life. We don’t teach that stuff to young men. We don’t teach it to young women. We teach algebra. And leave the sex stuff to online porn sites.

Solution: the world would be a better place if men learned to honour and respect women. Women need to learn the same about men. This is a two way street.
How? I don’t know…smarter, wiser people than me need to work that out. But they need to get started. And quickly.

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Dr Emerson was recently interviewed on ‘Know the Cause’, the most popular health television programme in the US.

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